eschew

If this is communication
I disconnect 
I’ve seen you, I know you
But I don’t know
How to connect, so I disconnect










After I've watched Stereomantic on the TVshow, and they bring Communication- cover. And that part are always always swimming in my head. Like stick on my mind. Well I don't know how, yes truly I don't know how to connect. Always getting wrong for this path. I've been dying to talk, to meet, to say anything that I wanna say. I don't know how. I'm sorry if I'm so so worry about this. So I've just kept in secretly. Maybe I just can stop to try to tryyyyying to get a little that I need. Sorry if I leave. Leave doesn't means I leave you and I don't want to know you. No, I just wanna eschew from you for a while. Maybe it would be better for us. You don't even know what I feeling so blue, and I'm down with this position. Yes, I'm a coward. Sorry. Sorry I'm so stupid about this silly things right now. Sorry. Sorry, I just can write about all of this with this media. Okay, too much to talk and to write anything. I'm leaving now. If you noticed about that, hmm I don't know. So, see you in another chance.

too coward

dear fellas,

sorry 

so sorry

too coward

yes I'm a coward 

I'm too cowardly to tell about that

act

talk

I just can act and talk like it never happened

I'm getting sick from this month begin

I hope I'm getting better than yesterday, even this day

I hope tomorrow will gimme some.....






I don't know (deep breath)

new chapter

March, April, and June now...

Well, for the first I'm writing again. I don't write anything for March and April. Yes I don't know, ehm maybe I don't wanna know and I don't wanna talked about that too. There's something weird, awkward, and maybe something silly. And now, for sure I don't wanna go back. 

June,

Yesss really excited for this month. I'm a freelance writer, for Latitudes.nu now. Yes yes my first article is talked about culture of Betawi: Kerak Telor Recipe - A Traditional Betawi Recipe

Yes, that's my first step to became a journalist. 

Yes for June, I'm ready for new chapter. Here is a song that I do like to Auto-replay until 5times while I signing-in and checking something on my blog.

after that, what ?

Dear, ______

Slowly fade away and get more blur perfectly.
Slowly fade away...


s l o w l y

You've tried, I've tried too, and at least we've tried. It just unfortunate situation.

See ya in the next chance when it's possible then.

For this time, I just can keep guessing and keep asking with myself.

Maybe something missing, something gone, and maybe something getting wrong, maybe.

So please, would you tell me please, what's going on ?

I'm in completely

It's been gettin' me down.
Maybe something happened.
I don't know how deep I stuck.
I can't believe too for this situation.
Just enjoy with for sure.
Yes,
yes,
yes for sure,
yes I'm in completely.

too much

Don't have enough sleep, just have something that swimming in my head.
Feel something but express something else.
Mean something but say something else.
Too much thinking will make your head explode.
Now , I just can’t stop thinking. Even it hurts, well I don’t care right now.
Even when people said “just go with the flow” is a bullshit ever, yeah maybe I just can choose them.
But, limits of patience that I have, I wish I can control them lately.
Why you're so different than the others?
Why?
I just can wish to myself to be patient, to be fine, to be balanced, to be kind
And so what happened here?
Tell me, am I fall?

entahlah

Di akhir tahun kemarin, ya baru saja kemarin. Sebagai Gula, aku juga punya cerita. Ya entahlah aku pun sedikit gila, membuat filosofi sendiri tentangku dan sekitarku. Ah terserah. Aku mulai bercerita sekarang.


Sebagai Gula, aku bisa larut dengan apapun. Tinggal perbandingannya saja yang di ukur. Pas atau tidak. Aku mulai saja ceritaku dengan Kopi. Dulu, ya dulu, aku berkenalan, mengenal satu sama lain (hampir), namun nyatanya belum, berbagi kesukaan, berbagi cerita, ya apapun itu, bagiku itu sangat menyenangkan. Tapi kini, Kopi sudah tak terlihat atau pun terdengar, entah sudah berapa lama aku tidak bersamanya. Entah juga sudah berapa lama memori yang bersamanya larut, lenyap, dan mungkin akan permanen tidak kembali. Entahlah, semua terasa cepat. Aku juga mulai normal kembali, aku pun menetralisir segalanya, hingga memori yang tak ingin ku cerna dan ku bagi bersama tubuhku. Kusut. Ya pikiranku kusut sekusutnya. Ah, ingin rasanya tidak merasa kehilangan sesuatu, walaupun tahu, tetaplah kepura-puraan yang jadi prioritasku. Ku pikir semua ini juga sudah cukup. Ya sampai disini.


Tahun baru, harusnya menjadi awal baru. Aku pun sudah mendoktrin pikiran dan hatiku seperti itu. Ah, entahlah. Mungkin aku sudah melupakan semua, ya hampir. Aku pernah mendengar sebuah ungkapan yang ku dengar dari pemilik rumah yang menampungku sekarang. Seperti ini kurang lebih :
"Kenapa kaca depan mobil sangat besar dan kaca spion begitu kecil?"
"Karena masa lalu kita tidak sepenting masa depan kita"


Ah... Entahlah entahlah. Mungkin aku terlalu keras dalam berpikir. Kembali ke tahun baru, dan aku sudah benar-benar tidak mendengar Kopi. Kopi pun entah juga ada dimana. Pemilik rumah, ia pun sekarang mengganti keberadaan Kopi. Dengan Teh. Aku juga mulai menerimanya sebagai pengganti Kopi di awal tahun ini. Efeknya yang menenangkan, membuatku lebih nyaman sekarang.


Nyaman, itu yang kurasakan. Rasanya seperti sudah menjadi teman lama, tapi baru saja berkenalan. Tidak pernah senyaman ini. Aku juga belum bisa bercerita banyak tentang Teh. Entahlah. Ah lagi-lagi kata entahlah keluar dengan sendirinya.




Tertanda.




Gula Gundah Gulana

when suddenly it all starts to make sense

Me and you, what can we doWhen the words we use sometimesAre misconstrued

Well, I won't guess what's coming nextI can't ever tell youThe deepest well I've ever fallen into